It's funny that I've been having such a hard time feeling inspired lately.
For the first time in a while, I got into bed early, hoping to get a full night
of sleep, but before I knew it
1. I had this song stuck in my head &
2. I suddenly felt inspired.
[Not sure if there is causation there, but it happened.]
One of the things I've been thinking about for a while now is what it looks like to wait.
I've written about it recently, but I've noticed my impatience more & more as I've watched
my heart change over the past year. It seems I'm always waiting for something.
A year ago, I was waiting to move- in so many aspects of my life:
physically, emotionally, & spiritually.
I experienced all of those things in the course of a year. It was all so hard, but so good.
But now, as I've settled in many senses of the word, I find myself again waiting.
Or at least it feels like waiting.
I'm waiting for a handful of things, from where I'll be placed next May
to where relationships are going that seem to be moving at a snail's pace.
But the truth is, I'm not so much waiting as I am worrying.
Amidst it all, I feel like I'm waiting for myself to be patient & to just be still.
It seems like such a strange way to put it- that I'm waiting for myself to be patient,
but that's what it seems I'm doing lately.
Or at least it feels like waiting.
I'm waiting for a handful of things, from where I'll be placed next May
to where relationships are going that seem to be moving at a snail's pace.
But the truth is, I'm not so much waiting as I am worrying.
Amidst it all, I feel like I'm waiting for myself to be patient & to just be still.
It seems like such a strange way to put it- that I'm waiting for myself to be patient,
but that's what it seems I'm doing lately.
Sometimes I feel like I don't even give my prayers & desires a chance to be answered.
I never get to experience the true feeling of waiting, because I don't sit still long enough
to expect answers to come. I either talk myself out of it, or work full-force toward accomplishing
things myself. Neither of these things tend to end well for me.
Instead of patient expectance, I'm left with the disappointment of my own failed
manipulation, or the frustration that I never got to see the answer
because I simply didn't give it the time to get there.
Today, I'm learning to wait. I'm learning to be patient. I'm learning that the things that
are worth it take time, & the process of accepting things as they come is
often more rewarding than the results themselves.
I never get to experience the true feeling of waiting, because I don't sit still long enough
to expect answers to come. I either talk myself out of it, or work full-force toward accomplishing
things myself. Neither of these things tend to end well for me.
Instead of patient expectance, I'm left with the disappointment of my own failed
manipulation, or the frustration that I never got to see the answer
because I simply didn't give it the time to get there.
Today, I'm learning to wait. I'm learning to be patient. I'm learning that the things that
are worth it take time, & the process of accepting things as they come is
often more rewarding than the results themselves.
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