The wedding club.

I've been working on a couple different posts the past couple days, but neither of them are coming together easily. My brain seems to be becoming more and more scattered as school winds down.  

But today, I was struck by a thought that I felt was worth documenting. 

I was awoken at 3:30 from a text from an old roommate saying she was engaged. 

Despite how I joke about the ABUNDANCE of save-the-dates on our fridge,

it really is a beautiful thing.

I find deep joy in celebrating the love of my friends & sharing in their journeys.

 [As a side note, if you're looking to get hitched, live with me. 

She is my 7th ex-roommate to get engaged.] 

I responded, excitedly, as I always do, & hurried to class. But as I sat down tonight, 

I thought about how someday, I'll be able to say to someone, 

"Thank you for giving me your heart,"

without the fear of having to give it back.
Glimpses like that are pretty. I'm excited for that day. 

What 24 looks like to me.

Yesterday I turned 24. Despite being one of the busier days I've

had since starting graduate school- with spring break already seeming like a distant memory-

it was a lovely day. As I sat in one of my favorite Nashville eateries with

a few good friends last night, I realized that my stomach and heart were both full. 

23 was the hardest year of my life. There were more tears cried in that 

year than any other. There were more moments of confusion, frustration, & fear

in that year than any other. There was more taken from me in that year than any other. 

But, as I reflect on the last 365 days, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the 

beauty that exists in brokenness. Sprinkled into the pain & uncertainty of this last year

were moments when my desperation for & closeness with God were the most tangible

of my whole life. There were moments of joy & feelings of unadulterated belonging that

are simply unmatched by any other year I've experienced. 

So as I contemplate what 24 looks like to me, I am excited. 

I am hopeful. 

I anticipate beauty in the messiness that will inevitably come.

I am so very thankful for another year to practice what I'm learning

& another year to love & be loved well. 

24, I'm excited for you. 

[Cupcake made by the lovely Maria. Check her out here.] 

Love is a puzzle that can't be solved

If it's possible to be homesick for a place you are currently standing in, that's what I am. 

Saturday,  as I ran down my favorite trail in Fort Collins, 

I felt my heart aching. The weird thing was, it was aching to be exactly where I was. 

It was as if the "I-belong-here" joy that flooded into my heart was just too

overwhelming, & the only response my heart could muster up was to hurt. It hurt for the hundreds

of memories I have made in that place, it hurt from the sheer amount of joy I was

experiencing from being there, & it hurt from knowing that that particular

stage in my life is over. As strange as it was that I felt homesick for the land I 

was standing on, it was also strange that this hurt wasn't a bad thing. 

In that moment, I realized that the changing of the seasons

--whether it be the temporal seasons, or the metaphorical ones--

is good. 

I realized that choosing to be present where I am is not

only necessary for the personal growth, but it is also incredibly rewarding. 

Simultaneously, as I missed that place, I felt excited for where I am, & where I'm going.

I felt excited for Nashville. 

I felt excited for new relationships there.

I felt excited for spring. 

Realizing that the love of where I am does not depreciate my love for where 

I've been is a fairly profound realization for me. The two are not dependent on

each other; there is enough love in my heart for both. 

Why I don't hate Valentine's Day

Last year at this time, I wrote a post about why I don't

hate February 14th. I had no idea the year ahead of

me would be as crazy as it was, but as I sit here 365 days later, 

I can honestly say I feel the same way I did then. 

If you know me, you know I am just about 

as cynical as they come. 

If there is something to judge, I've probably judged it. I've

written before that this is one of my very least favorite personal attributes 

& I have been trying to work on it for some time now. While there is a list

of things I do not like that I will gladly tell you about,

Valentine's Day is not on it. 

I know you might be thinking that this is easy for someone in a relationship to say. 

It's easy to love Valentine's Day while clutching a giant stuffed [insert your favorite]

animal, & a bag of Hershey's kisses. & you're right. Most of the time, those who

love this day are in relationships. But this year,

-my first year single on this day in several years-

I can confidently say I still love it. I love love & honestly

the love of other people does not bother me. 

So on this day, I hope you feel loved & can celebrate its beauty. I hope

this Valentine's picture of my favorite coonhound at least makes you smile. 

Heavy Heart & Abundant Peace

This morning was difficult.
After a series of unhappy dreams all night,
there's something increasingly
heavy in my heart. While I'm
usually good at maintaining a
fairly put-together self,
sometimes it's just too much to keep up with.

Some days are just days for a heavy heart. 
The good thing about mornings like these
are promises like this:

"You keep track of all my sorrows

You have collected all my 

tears in a bottle. You have

recorded each one in your book."

Psalm 56:8

Not only that, but I am also reminded of my 

continual gift of peace from the throne of grace.

Just as the Israelites could not store up manna

for the future, so must I choose to accept

His peace for this day. Mornings like this aren't all bad.

[it's only just 9 am. There's a

whole lot of day left.]

They remind me of my dependence on Him

and his unwavering love for me. 

Love & Respect

I just ordered 2 copies of this book yesterday.

I've only heard great things about it

and after a little convincing by Beth and my parents,

I decided it was probably worth it. 

I don't think it's ever too soon

to inform yourself.

If you could alleviate some future

pain by gleaning wisdom from

those around you, why wouldn't you? 

On a similarly related note, 

I stumbled across an article in

Relevant Magazine titled, 

"You Never Marry the Right Person."

It beautifully articulates our culture's

misinterpretation of compatibility and 

lays the foundation of marriage out 

as a reflection of the gospel. 

If you get a chance, read the article.

I promise it's worth it. 

1095 days.

A week ago today, Mickey & I 

celebrated three years of 

togetherness. 

This past year has 

been particularly 

emotional, 

exciting,

challenging,

& uncertain,

in both the details of my life, 

& also in our relationship,

but I am so thankful for

him & can't wait to see 

where we're off to next! 

Here's a quick recap of our anniversaries so far:

One: Dinner at Zengo, walking around 16th street mall, and downtown Denver

Two: Drinks/appetizers at City O'City, Denver Aquarium, dinner at Austins in Fort Collins.

Three: Scenic drive through Golden, 

[We wanted to tour the Coors factory, but it was closed.]

Stranahan's Distillery tour, and dinner at Izakaya Den. 

Spring

Spring is here.

While every day is spring break for me, 

last week was especially fun. 

Instead of my usual schedule where I keep

myself busy during the day and spend time

with people when they get done 

with work or school, 

I got to celebrate a week off for all of the CSU

students.

It was a week complete with:

sleeping in, family time, beautiful hikes, 

and absolutely gorgeous weather. 

No complaints. 

Love

This post is a couple days late, 

but I've had so many things going on

& not the energy to sort through 

them all aloud-

let alone organize them into text. 

I did find myself this week thinking a lot about

love, 

much like everyone else. 

What I've never understood about the Holiday 

on February 14, is the stigma attached.

"Hallmark Holiday, Single's Awareness Day, 

'shouldn't every day be what matters?' Day"

Maybe it's just me, but I've never had

a problem with Valentine's Day. In fact,

I've always loved it.

I love celebrating a day to make special

the people we care about. I mean, 

if you really think about it, isn't that

what every holiday is about? A day to

set apart something that should be celebrated?

I've certainly never been upset when it is 

someone's birthday and not mine, 

and yes, I should certainly celebrate my loved 

ones on a daily basis, but if every

day is special, 

is anything really special? 

I say no. 

So on this Valentine's Day, and the 

days surrounding it, I opened my 

eyes to the things I saw that made

this special day what it is. &

I loved it.