Thursday Thankfulness// 7.25

Thankfulness lately looks like this:

1. Provision in the form of a new job: Here's to paying the bills a little easier. 

2. Lessons on patience from these guys:

3. Fresh popsicles that melt in the sun.

4. Phone calls with old friends. 

5. Trips home that leave my heart full. 

6. Tough decisions that leave me humbled [in the best way possible]

7. Promises of a hopeful future. 

8. Summer bucket list accomplishments.

9. Whole foods dates with people I love. 

10. Reminders of home.

What Might Have Been [Part 2]

          Every once in a while, I experience an epiphany that I've already had before. They are the same thoughts twice, & the only difference between the two is the recognition that I have changed between the first and second occurrences. This morning, as I sat in church, I had an overwhelming realization that this was happening. For almost an hour, I sat in contemplation of how my life has progressed over the past 12 months and how things might have been had things not have unfolded the way they did.

           I have dreaded the month of April for an entire year now. It hasn’t hung as heavy upon me recently as it once did, but the idea of a year passing has gently pressed on my mind on good days, & pervasively stolen my concentration on bad ones. While sitting in the darkened sanctuary this morning, thoughts regarding “what might have been” leaked into my mind in the softest way possible at first, but before I knew it, I could think of nothing else. 

[I’ve mentioned it before, but this tends to be how thoughts sneak up on me.]

            Back in June, I was reading “Bittersweet” by Shauna Niequist and was struck by the truth that time was passing like it always does, yet my circumstances were drastically changing. I was crippled by an inability to fix things or slow life down, and I wrote this blog post. In that moment, I dreaded the following year more than I’ve dreaded anything. The proceeding months after that post brought a slow wave of peace into my heart, & until this morning, I genuinely thought I wouldn’t think of it again.

            But this morning I did. As I confronted the beauty that has unfolded in the recent months, I became instantly overcome by thankfulness that things did not happen like they might have last April. Sacrifices that I could have [& was willing] to make don’t need to be made. Compromises that I could have [& was willing] to make don’t need to be made. I am so very thankful for the opportunity I was given to start new. It’s a new year, and I am thankful for it. 

Now.

I've been thinking a lot about how cool it is to be in a season of life

where I have very little holding me down. Sometimes I think about 

how just 3 months ago, I was living in Colorado, about to move

1,200 miles away. Now I'm here & it's great & all I can think about is where 

I'll be for my residency, because there are so many places I want to visit.

[spoiler alert: it's Austin, TX. More on that later.]

But in the midst of my excitement for the future, I've realized that 

I am often robbed of each day's joy because of my anticipation of what's next.

So this is now: 

I am almost done with my first semester of graduate school.

I've found friends & a church that I love.

I live in a beautiful city, in a huge apartment, in a cute room.

I have the best roommates I could ask for.

It's almost November, and I still get to run outside in a tank top.

I am so very thankful for it all. 

Four Months

June 26th, 2012 was the scariest night of my life.

 

Four months ago, I left work in the middle of the day under a pitch-black sky filled with smoke.

Four months ago, I used my windshield wipers to clear falling ash from my view.

Four months ago, I saw a wall of fire cascade down the hillside toward my home.

Four months ago I stood in front of the television all night

& cried as I watched my childhood neighborhood burn to the ground. 

Four months ago, I spent 14 days as an evacuee, moving from house to house 

with my family, close friends & animals. 

Four months ago, I recognized just how few material things mattered to me

& just how many things could never be taken away by fire.

[Don't get me wrong, I did cry in the middle of COSTCO about my

yellow KitchenAid mixer and Ariat boots-both of which did not burn]

Four months ago, my life changed. 

It's amazing what can happen in four months. 

I have so much to be thankful for. 

 

I am satisfied in you.

Some days I am restless. 

Other days, being satisfied is as simple as breathing

the next breath, thinking the next thought of how much I am thankful for.

I know a lot of my daily experience depends on my perception 

of what is going on, but I also know that both of these 

types of days were created by God for a purpose. I am completely

understood by Him, & therefore my deepest needs are met by

his closeness as a response to my longing for Him. 

Today is one of those easier days & I am thankful  for that. 

Glimpses from home

I was able to spend a long weekend in Colorado last week. 

After living in Nashville for a couple months now, it 

was just what my heart needed:

Time with my family that loves me,

old friends who know my heart,

& some of the prettiest land in this country. 

Instagram

I've finally gotten a new phone.

[New to me, at least.]

One of the first things I did with my new

phone was download Instagram. 

I just sky-rocketed into the 21st century. 

Here's some shots from my week so far, 

while trying to fit the world inside a picture frame:

This is Mickey. He's the cutest. 

Put a bird on it.

Sebastian: the cutest cat.

Stevie: CUTEST baby.

home-brewed beer: delicious!

Thursday Thankfulness

It's Thursday. I've come to realize that
many of my blog posts make my life sound
rather depressing, like I do not have anything
good going on. I don't necessarily apologize
for the way they make my life sound; I know
that this outlet of processing is simply a
tiny piece of a complex story. Nevertheless,
I think by the time I sit down to write here
I end up detailing the deep issues, the
heartache, the misunderstood, confusing
aspects of my day to day.

I can confidently say, 

if I were to document all of the joys, blessings, 

and confident truths that make up my life, the post would never end. 

Despite experiencing one of the most

difficult seasons of my life, I 

lack no good thing.

& that's the truth. 

So in the spirit of many mornings

at good old ELC where this

tradition began [for me],

I will list ten things I'm thankful for today:

1. Wednesdays with Jecka.

2. Bike rides through the city

3. Possible roommates for the Fall

4. Weekend at home with my parents

5. Great friends who listen & care

6. Unexplained hope 

7. Restored closeness with my God

8.  Expectant prayers

9. Sunshine for days

10. The opportunity this semester to be still

Spring

Spring is here.

While every day is spring break for me, 

last week was especially fun. 

Instead of my usual schedule where I keep

myself busy during the day and spend time

with people when they get done 

with work or school, 

I got to celebrate a week off for all of the CSU

students.

It was a week complete with:

sleeping in, family time, beautiful hikes, 

and absolutely gorgeous weather. 

No complaints. 

Relax.

I'm sitting in Kansas City for the night,

waiting for my red-eye flight to Houston tomorrow morning. 

Even though I've been on vacation for the past 10 days or so,

I am very much looking forward to 

this next leg of my trip. 

Maybe it's the fact that tomorrow's high is 75. 

Maybe it's the fact that I haven't quite relaxed since I left last week. 

Maybe it's the fact that my favorite person happens to be

waiting for me in that 75 degree weather. 

Anyway you look at it, I am excited. 

I could get used to this graduated thing. 

Happy Birthday.

Nov. 4: I had the opportunity to get together with many of the senior women in navs for dinner and processing through what we've learned in college. It was an unexpected blessing because I was able to hang out with a lot of the girls who I don't know super well in the class below me.

2 fun things happened Saturday that I am thankful for-  Nov. 5

1. I got trained to play with ponies  for the morning. 

I'm going to be working with a OT certified in

hippotherapy. So fun. I am very thankful

for smart people who realized horses are therapeutic,

as well as the opportunity to get my hands [and boots] dirty to help. 

2. I am thankful for Kelsey. 

Mickey and I headed to Boulder to celebrate her 23rd birthday.

 [this picture is from Nassau, Bahamas]

Kelsey is one of my best friends and all around favorite people. 

I am THANKFUL for her. 

Nov 6: Today I am thankful for sunshine. It's a nice break from the snow and cold. 

Thanks.

I've been thinking a lot about my occasional inability to look on the bright side. 

I really dislike the fact that I am often overly critical and sometimes downright cynical. 

In the spirit of Thanksgiving at the end of this month, I've decided I'm going

to document 24 reasons why I am thankful. [one for each day].

This is not something entirely new. In the past, I've tried to sit down once a week and

list 10 things I'm thankful for, but I thought this would be

a good way to discipline myself, and honestly consider how privileged I am. 

This isn't to say each day's topic will be profound or elaborated upon, but rather

a chance to celebrate good things. 

Nov. 1 - I am thankful for warm coffee shops like Everyday's Joe's. It makes my studying bearable. 

I am thankful for snow. [what?!] Yep, I really do know I'll miss it someday. -Nov 2

Nov. 3

Today, I am thankful for this: 

Kara is, hands-down, the best pen pal ever. Her card-just to say hello- made me very thankful for her today. In case you're reading, you're getting something back in the mail.