Who is God? [Part 4]

One month down.

Check out weeks 1, 2 & 3 

if you've missed it so far.

Here's what I've discovered this week:

He is a comforter. [John 16]

He is mighty. [Psalm 89]

He is my redeemer. [Isaiah 41]

He is constant. [Rev. 22]

He is our salvation. [Psalm 27]

He is Emmanuel, "God with us." [Matt. 1]

1 month down, 11 to go. 

thoughts

"I believe God can handle my heart, my questions, my sadness, & my anger. It's okay to be angry & sad. The question is, what do I do with it all? What do I do with God? In the midst of such heartbreak, do I really believe that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose? The answer comes at a great cost. It can be agonizing to see God work through tears, but I am experiencing the kindness, sweetness, faithfulness, & redemptive heart of God. " 

-Mary Beth Chapman.

source

My week in pictures.

If I had instagram, I would

use it constantly. The day 

that it was made available to

Android users, I was pumped.

[only to discover my old-school

smart phone couldn't have it.]

But I pretend. I've been focusing this week on

recognizing what I have & not what I want. Here's a few

snapshots from this week: 

 My beautiful backyard,

lazy dogs,

New glasses,

more beautiful backyard, 

& overlooking the city I'm from. 

& since it's country Sunday, here's 

what I'm listening to:

Who is God? [Part 3]

Week three on my journey to discover

Who God is

is a day late this week. I've been at a 

conference & busy seeing people I 

haven't seen in a while. 

If you've missed the past two weeks

read this & this. 

This week has been a fairly steady

leveling out of my emotions. I'm starting

to catch a vision for what my summer will

look like before I move to Nashville. 

Here's what God's taught me in the past

seven days: 

He is the lawgiver & judge. [James 4]

He is Lord. [Luke 1]

He satisfies. [Phil. 4]

He is purposeful. [Isaiah 55]

He is the maker of the universe. [Gen. 1]

He is life. [John 14]

Country Sunday

My week of being in Colorado Springs has

had its ups & downs. More ups than downs, &

I am thankful for that. 

Surrender

I've been thinking a lot about what it looks like to let go.

As I think about it, I'm faced with an internal debate:

How do my desires fit in with my desperate need

to free myself from trying to control my future?

I know God has a plan for me- a plan
that is good, pleasing, & perfect. 
But is there harm asking him for what I really want?
I want to believe that the things I ask for will
either be given to me or my heart will change, but
it seems like lately I have been consumed by what I want;
I've idolized my desires.

It feels like I've been holding a vase.
Circumstances have broken it in my hands &
I desperately want it to be be repaired.
I've been begging, pleading, & petitioning God to fix it.
  I've never wanted something so badly.

But what I'm starting to realize is that I am keeping
myself from healing. I'm holding so tightly to the
broken pieces, begging for them to be repaired
but unwilling to let them go. As my hands bleed,
 I tighten my grip & wonder why nothing's changing.

Nothing can be fixed until I let go. 

"You take the weight from my shoulders.
my hands were clenched, now they're open.
I'll take your goodness poured from the sky; 
food from the ravens, water from the dry well."

Who is God? [Part 2]

This is the second week of my

mini series called "Who is God?" 

[If you missed it last week, check it out here.]

In short, I started asking God on May 1

who He is. 

It's only been 2 weeks, and it has been

really neat to see what He's already

teaching me:

1. He is near. [Phil 4]

2. He hears me. [Micah 7]

3. He is the true vine. [John 15]

4. He is the counselor. [John 15]

5. He is gentle & humble in heart. [Matt 11]

6. He cares for me. [1 Peter 5]

7. He is faithful. [1 Thes 5]

I find it interesting that all of the 

characteristics that I have learned in 

the past 2 weeks have been graciously

fitting to the condition of my heart lately. 

While I am certain that there will be days 

when I learn about his power, 

sovereignty and justice, 

I can't help but feel that he is

being gentle with my heart-

full of truth, but equally full of grace.

A Belated Mother's Day

Dear momma, 

Thanks for the countless hours you sacrificed 

planning meetings, helping me with homework,

driving me to sports practices, taking me to rehearsals, 

waiting on me, worrying about me- but letting me still

make my own decisions, & loving me unconditionally. 

& a happy Mother's Day to my Grandmas as well!

Goodbye

Today I said goodbye. 

I said goodbye to my home for the past 5 years.

 I said goodbye to my cute little house. 

I said goodbye to some of the best friends I've ever had.

I said goodbye to someone I never wanted to say goodbye to. 

I said goodbye to a season of life. 

It's a strange feeling; simultaneously experiencing

emotions on opposite ends of the spectrum.

To be completely heartbroken in a way I've 

never known, yet captivated by a hope that has 

never stood so strong. 

This dichotomy in my heart is tough to explain.

I don't even know if I understand it myself. 

But I do know that goodbyes are alright 

when you know that they're not forever. 

These past few years have shaped me in

huge ways. 

I cannot wait to see how these goodbyes

shape my tomorrows. 

Who is God? [Part 1]

One week ago I decided to embark

on a year-long process of discovery.

For 365 days I will ask God,

"who are you?"

If you asked me 2 weeks ago if I knew

who God was, I would have said yes.

It turns out, I have a lot more to learn.

Since I started this all on a Tuesday, 

I'm going to attempt a mini series on

discovering exactly who it is that I 

am entrusting my life to. I'm amazed

at all he's shown me in just one week:

1. He is the good shepherd. [John 10]

2. He is my first love. [Rev. 2]

3. He is enthroned as king, forever. [Psalm 29]

4. He is light. [1 John 1]

5. He is the rock eternal. [Isaiah 26]

6. He intends my life for good. [Gen. 50]

The neatest thing about this process 

is nothing is changing about my quiet

times. I'm not searching for passages

that tell me who he is. I've continued 

reading the same plan I started January 1.

All I've done is asked. 

Rainy Day Chronicles

It rained all night & all morning.

I spent the majority of my day

yesterday with a 2-year-old.

He's probably the funniest 2-year-old alive. 

In the words of Dr. Seuss: 

"I know it is wet & the sun is not sunny, 

but we can have lots of good fun that is funny."

Thursday Thankfulness

It's Thursday. I've come to realize that
many of my blog posts make my life sound
rather depressing, like I do not have anything
good going on. I don't necessarily apologize
for the way they make my life sound; I know
that this outlet of processing is simply a
tiny piece of a complex story. Nevertheless,
I think by the time I sit down to write here
I end up detailing the deep issues, the
heartache, the misunderstood, confusing
aspects of my day to day.

I can confidently say, 

if I were to document all of the joys, blessings, 

and confident truths that make up my life, the post would never end. 

Despite experiencing one of the most

difficult seasons of my life, I 

lack no good thing.

& that's the truth. 

So in the spirit of many mornings

at good old ELC where this

tradition began [for me],

I will list ten things I'm thankful for today:

1. Wednesdays with Jecka.

2. Bike rides through the city

3. Possible roommates for the Fall

4. Weekend at home with my parents

5. Great friends who listen & care

6. Unexplained hope 

7. Restored closeness with my God

8.  Expectant prayers

9. Sunshine for days

10. The opportunity this semester to be still