I found myself lying awake at 4 this morning, after a fitful few hours of attempted sleep. I got into bed completely exhausted, & it made little sense as to why sleep just wouldn't come.
My body, mind, & soul all felt restless in every sense of the word.
My head raced through conversations, scenarios, & interactions I'd
had over the past couple days. If I'm honest in my introspection, I could say that I sort of knew a night
like this was coming. I spent most of the day unsuccessfully battling a heavy heart & I attempted sleep at the summit of the heartache. I hate sleepless nights like this, but lately
I've become more familiar with them.
I can't help but relate to the words of this song:
"Even in my dreams, I am restless... looking for you."
It's strange how sleeplessness & the hours in the middle of the night can
influence your perspective so deeply. As I sat in my bed, I felt a hopelessness fill
my bedroom, & every small thought on my mind- from my growing to-do list to
the deeper matters of my heart- seemed to be magnified by my exhaustion & lack of rest.
In that moment, I was overwhelmed by my inability to control even the simplest thing
like sleep.
I checked my phone in an attempt to distract my mind from my heart,
& saw a text that said this:
"God is our strength & our portion. He is more than enough."
The timing & truth of those words was magnified in that moment, & as
that understanding grew, my mind slowly grew more clear.
For the first time since I had gotten into bed hours before, I felt myself relax.
At 4 in the morning, in my dark, quiet bedroom, I felt my spirit change.
It is moments like these when I am paralyzed by God's timeliness & provision.
He uses such creative ways to speak to my heart, & it is truly beautiful.
My prayer on this day is that I might consciously choose to return to that first
love that I have abandoned when I find myself hopeless or heavy-hearted.
It is my prayer for you, too.
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