Answers.

Have you ever asked for something you didn't receive? 

If you've kept up with my blog for any amount of time this past year,

you'll know that I have. As I've watched this past year pass by, 

I can't help but mark the time by a series of prayers-

some answered and many left unanswered. 

It's a frightening thing to seek God in the intricacies of your heart-

the deep waters of anxiety & fear about the issues that matter most. 

At times it is downright frustrating, especially when it seems like the prayers

are going nowhere, dissolving into the air as quickly as they're spoken, never to be

received by the one they're meant to reach. 

I recently read an article in Relevant Magazine, 

that discusses this very issue. I found it comforting that I am not alone

in my quest to hear answers from God. It's well written and just what I needed to hear.

Check it out here. 

My week in pictures [3]

This week's picture recap is a couple days late because:

a. School is destroying my free time

b. I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown

c. I'm a bit lazy when it comes to blogging

d. all of the above. 

Once again, this week was full of lots of pictures of things I love

from people I love. The influx of picture texts has officially leveled

out & only the most dedicated of participants remain in the quest for top 4. 

Who needs a theme when your dad sends you updated airport selfies? 

I don't. Here they are, complete with said selfie & of course, my favorite

big-eared animal:

Clockwise from top left:

1. Friday night listening to good music & meeting new friends. 

Despite my demon-possessed eyes, this was a fun night. 

2. Snow day from our front yard. Can't wait to be there in a week.

3. As promised, another pic from dad. Selfies in airports. We both take them:

4. Bellatrix just moved to Vegas this week. This is her excited face. 

Happy Thursday. 

Defeating the Sunday Blues.

Just about every week, despite the relaxation & fun that I take part in

over the weekend, I find myself heavy hearted & often overwhelmed by the 

prospects of the coming week. It begins as early as Saturday night on

particularly busy weeks, & I am often awakened by thoughts

of what I've got to do swirling through my head early Sunday morning.

No matter what I tell myself about how I've worked hard to prepare

myself for the day of rest that Sunday should be, I can't seem

to grasp it. Hours slip by as I stare at my computer screen of notes,

 word documents, weekly planner & text books. Before I know it, 

I'm dreading the idea of sleep because I know it'll bring me closer

to the work I've got to do during the week. 

Today, my version of the "Sunday Blues" wasn't particularly

strong. The assignments, commitments, & plans of the coming 

week pressed on my mind as they always seem to do, 

but for the first time in a while, I was more hopeful than anxious

about the coming days. I felt comforted in the now, & for 

someone who is characterized by living in the future, this

is a big deal. 

"Instead of trying to direct me to do this & that, seek to attune 

yourself to what I am already doing. When anxiety attempts to

wedge its way into your thoughts, remind yourself that I am your

shepherd. The bottom line is that I am taking care of you." -Jesus Calling

Here's to Sunday reminders that leave you filled with hope. 

Why I don't hate Valentine's Day

Last year at this time, I wrote a post about why I don't

hate February 14th. I had no idea the year ahead of

me would be as crazy as it was, but as I sit here 365 days later, 

I can honestly say I feel the same way I did then. 

If you know me, you know I am just about 

as cynical as they come. 

If there is something to judge, I've probably judged it. I've

written before that this is one of my very least favorite personal attributes 

& I have been trying to work on it for some time now. While there is a list

of things I do not like that I will gladly tell you about,

Valentine's Day is not on it. 

I know you might be thinking that this is easy for someone in a relationship to say. 

It's easy to love Valentine's Day while clutching a giant stuffed [insert your favorite]

animal, & a bag of Hershey's kisses. & you're right. Most of the time, those who

love this day are in relationships. But this year,

-my first year single on this day in several years-

I can confidently say I still love it. I love love & honestly

the love of other people does not bother me. 

So on this day, I hope you feel loved & can celebrate its beauty. I hope

this Valentine's picture of my favorite coonhound at least makes you smile. 

This week in pictures [3]

12-hour work days followed by 14-hour work days

are starting to get to me. Between forgetting to turn off my car as I 

walk into my apartment after class & having my roommate concernedly question my

mental sanity in conversation, I think it's safe to say I'm a bit tired.

If there is one thing my life is not at the moment, it's dull. 

Despite my lack of sleep & absentmindedness, I am happy to say

that it's been an interesting week, not only in my day-to-day life, 

but also in the text messages I've received. 

This week's theme? 

Random. 

[February 6- 12]

Clockwise from top left: 

1. Similarly to how Luna & Bella will always make this list, selfies from dad, 

[particularly non-smiling, airport selfies] will ALWAYS make this list. Love this man.

2. Sweet reminder from mom. Made my day. I love that she thinks of me. 

3. Cat life with Luna. duh. 

4. If you missed the stencil last week from this kid, here is the final result. #stoked. 

Happy 12-hour-Tuesday! 

Hosea: a love story.

We just started a new series at church on the book 

of Hosea. I'm excited for it, mainly because I've 

not studied this book, & partly because the idea of

redemptive love is something I would love to understand better. 

Here are parts 1 & 2 in video form. These videos are great because:

a. They're filmed well 

b. They tell a story with no dialogue

c. They depict a biblical story in a modern way, without being [too] cheesy

d. all of the above.

Settled.

 Something unsettling inside me seems to appear this time of year.

I get antsy for newness, just when the dust begins to settle from whatever change I just experienced. The new year is not only here, but is moving ever so
quickly, as all years seem to do.
I'm settled back into Nashville.
I am just weeks away from this semester's half-way mark.
All I can think of is "what's next?" 

It gets exhausting living in those two words.
Weeks like the one I just had & the one before me don't allow
for me to look that far ahead. In fact, sometimes it seems like
I am unable to settle into a single hour of each day-I just pass through
each one without a notice of what those moments offer me.

This is what I need to hear today:

[I'm letting that settle in my heart today.]

Read this: Tesla, sexuality, & Wes Anderson

There is a short list of things I love that I

 hope I never come to change my mind about. One of those is learning.

While I've wondered lately why I chose to stay in school, &

threaten to drop out frequently on the verge of a mental breakdown, 

I find myself in moments of clarity remembering that I love to learn.

I have always been this way, & I hope things don't soon change. 

The more I learn, the more I realize I have yet to learn. 

While this overwhelms me at times, it mostly excites me, 

& if I could, I would become an expert on an ever-growing list of topics

ranging from Nikola Tesla to minimalist movie directors & the inspirations 

behind their films. 

But unfortunately for me, I can't.  

At least not while I'm in school. So until then, I get my fix

of trivia, fun facts, & new information from the brilliance of others

who do have the time [& the talent] to report on such things. Here

are a few of my favorite recent blog readings: 

Nikola Tesla. You might not have heard of him, but chances

are you've heard of Thomas Edison. This will blow your mind. 

I love all things Prodigal Magazine. This article on current perceptions

of sexuality is excellently done. After working as a campus director here in undergrad, 

I have a special place in my heart for this topic, particularly as it relates to my generation.

Wes Anderson. I love the way this article was written almost

as much as I love Wes Anderson's films. [& that's saying a lot.]

This week in pictures [2]

I noticed an interesting trend following last week's 

post about selecting of my top picture texts of the week: 

I received approximately twice as many picture texts in these past 7 days. 

Coincidence? Probably not. Friends unashamedly wanting their picture featured?

Probably. The influx of pictures this week left the task of choosing four

nearly impossible. So, this week- & this week alone- I chose 6. 

Next week, the competition for top four is back in business.

January 29- February 5

Clockwise from top left: 

1. CSU's intramural field. I miss everything about this picture.

2. My friend Sarah & I at our friends' "Death of our 20's" party. 

3 cheers for only being 23. 

3. Stencils made by [this guy] that will make their way onto a shirt soon. 

Creative people like this would make me mad if they weren't so cool. 

4. Training for this race.  [this girl] snapped this

creepy pic during our run. Her bravery earned her a win this week.

5 & 6. Let's make one thing clear: I have no human nieces or nephews. 

Either Bella [my niece-dog]or Luna [my niece-cat] will make the cut every week. 

Happy Tuesday!

Thoughts on mattress shopping

The moments when I have my deepest, most contemplative

thoughts always seem to hit me in unexpected places. I've had epiphanies

in grocery stores before that appear so swiftly that I lose track 

of what I'm doing & walk out without a single item. Twice, I've

frantically pulled my car over to scribble a thought onto

whatever I could find because I didn't want to risk losing it on the drive home.

My most recent moment like this happened in an empty mattress

store this weekend as I helped my roommate look for a new bed. 

In the middle of a conversation with the sweet saleswoman who

was helping us, I sat on a pillow-top, out-of-our-price-range, mattress

& thought, 

"Your life probably isn't going to happen the way you're planning it to." 

All of a sudden, I couldn't shake the feeling that I 

had control over nothing more than what I did in that very moment. 

I felt powerless & slightly un-hopeful. But the idea consumed me. 

For anyone who knows me, I am fairly stubborn. I want to set goals & achieve them.

I want to work hard enough for whatever it is that I want to get to. It was

sobering in that moment to realize that while I can do my best to put myself

in a position to get where I want to go, I am ultimately at the mercy of each 

moment. I hate to not be in control, & while I have pondered what surrender

looks like, I don't think it clicked until that moment that I am designed for now.

I came home & read this: 

"You can find me only in the present. Each day is a precious gift from

my Father. How ridiculous to grasp for future gifts when today's is set before you!

Receive today's gift gratefully, unwrapping it tenderly & delving into its depths."

-Jesus Calling

I needed that. I'm thankful for moments like that in empty

mattress stores. 

What I'm listening to.

Sometimes I wonder if I should be concerned about my

apathy about certain things. Its the Super Bowl today

& all I can think about is how excited I am that coffee shops

are probably super empty so I can get homework done 

without a crowd. I had the thought this morning that maybe 

I should care about football more, but then I realized that I 

have enough obsessions, & it's probably a good thing that sports

are not one of them. With that said, music is one of my obsessions, 

& I have been listening to lots of good stuff lately that is all new to me. 

Enjoy.