Surrender

I've been thinking a lot about what it looks like to let go.

As I think about it, I'm faced with an internal debate:

How do my desires fit in with my desperate need

to free myself from trying to control my future?

I know God has a plan for me- a plan
that is good, pleasing, & perfect. 
But is there harm asking him for what I really want?
I want to believe that the things I ask for will
either be given to me or my heart will change, but
it seems like lately I have been consumed by what I want;
I've idolized my desires.

It feels like I've been holding a vase.
Circumstances have broken it in my hands &
I desperately want it to be be repaired.
I've been begging, pleading, & petitioning God to fix it.
  I've never wanted something so badly.

But what I'm starting to realize is that I am keeping
myself from healing. I'm holding so tightly to the
broken pieces, begging for them to be repaired
but unwilling to let them go. As my hands bleed,
 I tighten my grip & wonder why nothing's changing.

Nothing can be fixed until I let go. 

"You take the weight from my shoulders.
my hands were clenched, now they're open.
I'll take your goodness poured from the sky; 
food from the ravens, water from the dry well."