I've been avoiding finishing this mini series for a while now.
I'm just kind of sick of the process of reflecting.
I've gotten to a place that I'm fairly familiar with- a place where I am just
tired of thinking about things. Oh, how I'd love to just not think for a while.
& that's what I've attempted to do. But I've realized that there's a reason why
I started this, & it's about time I finished. I'm coming to a compromise &
combining the last 2 topics into one post:
Nothing is wasted.
It is easy to keep yourself from healing.
[If you've missed anything, catch up:]
The first of these two things is rather straight forward. As I've experienced
a semester or growth, pain, opportunity, & change, I've come to realize
that, piece-by-piece, my story is fitting together. I'm thankful that I have
an interest in documenting my life through journaling & this blog, because its
been so easy in the monotony of each day to think that the details are insignificant.
But they're not, & of this I am convinced. I'm stoked to be able to look back on this
all one day & have the fog lifted entirely from my understanding of why things happen
the way they do, but until then, this is a promise I'll gladly hold on to.
It's the last topic that I avoided the most. [that's why I put it last.]
For months I didn't want to believe that I might be hindering my own healing
process, & for months, I avoided confronting the realization that unless I gave
up control to allow God to heal my heart, I never would truly heal.
I knew in my heart the process of healing would be a painful one, but I
desperately wanted the control of how quickly I would allow it to happen. & if I'm
really honest, I think part of me didn't actually want my heart to be healed.
Accepting brokenness & healing meant admitting that I might have been wrong
in the way I had directed my life thus far, & I wasn't ready to admit that.
It's kind of amazing the destruction we can inflict on ourselves.
But it's even more amazing how quickly peace can overwhelm the most
broken of circumstances once you let it.
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